I got married 5 years ago. I was 22 and my husband was 34. The first year, we did not think about having a baby, although my husband was anxious to have one. We decided to wait until I finished my degree in engineering. We did not suspect that anything was wrong at this stage.

A year later, I had continuous bleeding that did not stop for over 40 days. I knew my period was not regular, but it was the first time this type of bleeding had happened to me!!!! I made an appointment to see my doctor and that's when they found out I have polycystic ovaries. I was very upset, but the doctor reassured me that I was still young and that I would get pregnant eventually. The doctor put me on Clomid for several months, but it didn't work. I started taking injections next and the results were very good, but I still did not get pregnant. I should also mention that I did all the required tests and everything was normal except for the polycystic ovaries. I spent 2 years of trying and trying. At this stage, the doctor suggested artificial insemination. We did that several times, but it did not work either. I finally changed my doctor to a fertility specialist. The new doctor suggested ovarian drilling. I did it, but with no success. Our doctor then told us that our only remaining hope was ICSI. I needed to do that because my husband's sperm count was relatively low, so regular IVF wouldn't help. I did 3 cycles in my country. The prognosis was were very good and my hopes were raised. But every time I was devastated when the cycles resulted in a negative pregnancy test. I also did 3 frozen embryos cycles with no success. At that point, we decided to try somewhere else. We went to London and did a new ICSI cycle there. When I came back home, it was time to do the pregnancy test, but I felt all the usual period symptoms. I was sad because I knew it was another failure. A few days later, I decided to do the test and I was amazed to learn that I was pregnant. It was the happiest day of my life. Finally the miracle had happened. I was on bed rest for three months, and then found out through a regular ultrasound check that the baby inside me was dead!!!!! I really can't tell which is worse, to lose a baby or to never get pregnant. I was devastated and I spent lots of days in tears. When I overcame my pain I tried to give it another shot in my country. As usual, it was negative. Last October, I went to London again and did another cycle. I was really optimistic this time, but here I am, back in my country with another negative pregnancy test. I won't lose hope and I will not give up, although my husband gave up this time. I still dream about a little girl or a baby boy calling me mom. I am 27 now and I have been trying for 4 years. I'm not sure how much more I can take before I give up. My life will never be the same again. Every time I see a child I wish to have my own and to be able to hold him and to take care of him. My journey is not over yet, and I will keep on trying.