I have been on and off "the pill" since I was 13, because my periods were totally weird. I would have such bad ones that I would actually collapse from the pain. I even ended up in the hospital a few times. When I was about 16 I had to have a laparoscopy to see if they could find some reason for the pain.

In 1993 I was told, that if we wanted to have a child, that we should do it soon, as I have a degenerative spinal disease. The doctors were concerned about my physical ability to carry a child. I was also epileptic which was another concern of the doctors.

We started trying and after about 18 months we saw our first gynecologist. The doctor performed a laparoscopy, and we were told that there was nothing wrong and that we should just keep on trying. I later had two more laparoscopies and then a D&C. The doctor also performed a Sperm Analysis on my husband.

About 2 years (and lots of money) later, I changed to another gynecologist where I ended up on Clomid. At least the doctor wasn't too bad in that he monitored me very carefully, and wouldn't let me stay on the Clomid for too long. He also did three laparoscopies and did ovarian drilling each time. We also did some IUI's with him.

Last October, out of desperation, I went to yet another doctor. This time it was a fertility specialist at a fertility clinic. Within 5 minutes (literally), he had diagnosed me with PCO. He then did an ultrasound which confirmed it. He also did all the usual blood tests, a SA on my husband, and an HSG on me. The HSG was one of my worst infertility experiences because I was allergic to the Iodine used for the contrast, and they had to put me on a dose of antihistamines for a week (boy was I zonked). In December, the doctor did another Laparoscopy. **HA HA I BET YOU DON'T KNOW ANYONE ELSE WHO HAS HAD 8 LAPAROSCOPIES.** It was then that my doctor discovered the endometriosis. He cleaned it all up, and did the ovarian drilling again. Ovarian drilling only lasts for 18 months to 2 years (maximum). In December/January, we did a cycle with Follistim. I didn't stimulate properly. I had lots of follicles growing, but they seemed to stop growing at some point. My doctor wouldn't increase the dosage because he was afraid that I might hyperstimulate. We finally embarked on an IVF cycle. The doctor made it quite clear from the outset that we would probably have to do ICSI, because according to him, PCO ovum often have very tough outer coverings, and my husband's sperm was not good enough to penetrate it. We did the whole thing, bcp's, Lupron for suppression, Follistim for stimulation, HCG, retrieval, ICSI, and then the transfer. After the retrieval, I started on progesterone injections too. I did nearly all my own injections, but near the end, it got a bit too much for me. I couldn't avoid the bruises in my butt anymore, so I gave in and I had someone else do them for me. I waited for two weeks, and then got the negative pregnancy result.

I was devastated!! I felt worthless and useless. Both as a human being, and as a woman. I got over it, but not without many tears, and much heartache.

Now, I am glad we did the IVF cycle. I know that we didn't get the result that we had hoped for, and I know that the money was "wasted". BUT, I will never have to wonder "what if?" I will always be able to say, "we gave it our best shot." And I will never need to regret the lost chance.

We will probably not try again. I don't know if I want to?? We'll see though. Never is a very long time.

We have decided to adopt with a clear conscience and no actual regrets. Funny how our perspectives have changed, both as individuals, and as a couple. We have finished our screening process, and now have to settle in for the wait. It may be quick or it may take a long time, but we are OK with that. We are just going to wait and see.

Whatever you do, don't miss the opportunity to try whatever you are able to. You do not want to regret it, EVER!!

Although I did not get pregnant, our IVF was still a triumph!! We have grown and we are happy with where we are now. Don't get me wrong, I still have some "down days", but to me, it was still a success.

Life is not what happens to you, but what you do with what happens to you.

CarolAnne