Hello everyone,

I just wanted to say goodbye before we leave on our vacation. We will be gone for a week and I know I will miss reading everyone's updates. Shortly after we get back I will start stims, so I'm hoping that this vacation will relax me and make me feel more positive about IVF again. I look forward to catching up when I get back.

Wishing you all many, many ++++ thoughts
Love, Brenda

Hello everyone,

Dh and I arrived back from Lake Placid an hour ago and I just downloaded 248 emails!!!! I missed hearing from my cycle buddies, but we had a wonderful time. The Mirror Lake Inn had great food and the spa helped me to relax. We did several day hikes in the Adirondacks and toured the Olympic facilities. I am feeling renewed, refreshed and ready to start my stims on Wednesday.

I hope that everyone is doing well. I'm sending you hugs and ++++ thoughts.
Love, Brenda

Dear cycle buddies,

Did I say that I was calm? Well not anymore!!!! I'm having a bad day.

First I rush out of the house so quickly this morning that I forget to take my sniff of Synarel until I remember 3 1/2 hours later. Then the clinic calls with my E2 numbers after being on 150 IUs of Gonal-F for five days and my number is only 244 Canadian (66 American). They say that I am basically still suppressed. Yikes!!!! Talk about an emotional response. I was in tears on the phone. I had no idea that I would be a slow responder this time. Last time I was on 150 IUs of Puregon for 14 days and we retrieved 17 eggs. They have boosted my dosage up to 225 IUs of Gonal-F and they don't want me to do b/w again until Thursday. I will now likely be a week behind my previous timetable. This phone call really threw me a curve ball. I wish I could say that I had handled it better.

I guess the only thing that is keeping me positive is that I really don't want this cycle to turn out the same way as the last one. I had a perfect cycle last time technically speaking, except I didn't get pregnant. I will settle for a less than perfect cycle this time, if I can get pregnant. Thank you for listening and your support. I always feel better after writing to all of you.

I hope that everyone else is having a better day than me.
Love, Brenda

Thanks everyone! You guys are great!!!! I am feeling much better. Things are really not that bad, it's just those hormones talking. Maybe they all went to my brain instead of my ovaries. LOL! Today after I had given myself the injection a huge drop of Gonal-F oozed out of the injection site. I kept thinking to myself stay in there, I can use every last drop to make those little follicles grow. I guess I'll just have to write today off as a bad day and start fresh tomorrow. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has forgotten to take Lupron/Synarel. I wanted to stay relaxed, but not so relaxed I forget to take medications. Tee hee hee! Thanks for being there for me.

++++ thoughts
Love, Brenda

Hello cycle buddies,

Yesterday I went in for b/w on day 9 of taking Gonal-F and my E2 level was 614 (Canadian) 167 (American). At this point in my first IVF cycle using Puregon my E2 was over 2000 (Canadian) 550 (American). Has anyone had a slower response with their second IVF cycle before? Last time it took me 14 days to stimulate. This time I am responding slower. It will probably take me 17-20 days to respond. Does anyone know how slow is too slow? Does it effect egg quality if it takes you an extra long time to stimulate?

My clinic seems to think that everything is fine and that I'm just responding more slowly this time, but they really haven't given me a lot of information. My dosage was 150 IUs to start and I have been on 225 IUs since Monday. They are not increasing my dosage. I have to go in for b/w tomorrow, but still no u/s. I'm just a bit worried that something else might be causing this slow response. If anyone has any suggestions of answers to my questions they would be greatly appreciated.

++++ thoughts
Love, Brenda

Hello everyone,

Today is CD 11 for me and my E2 was 1089 (Canadian) 297 (American). They finally want to see me for an u/s on Monday. By my estimation I am at least 4 days behind my first IVF cycle and I'm on a higher dosage of stimulation drugs. I will be lucky if my retrieval happens before the end of May.

On a brighter note, my clinic has reassured me that just because I am taking longer to stimulate than average, it doesn't mean that I will have a smaller chance of getting pregnant. They tell me that it is common for the body to react differently for each cycle, especially if you change the variables. I am using Gonal-F this time instead of Puregon. I am definitely feeling calmer than I did a few days ago.

I hope you are all having a great weekend.
Love, Brenda

Hello everyone,

Well I have better news to report today. My E2 level almost tripled from last time to 2982 (Canadian) 813 (American). Before today my E2 numbers were not even doubling every 2 days. What do I attribute this jump in E2 to? I started giving myself the Gonal-F injections into my stomach instead of the thigh. Someone once mentioned that the injections work better given into the stomach, so I guess you can say I did an experiment on myself and it worked. Has anyone else heard if injections work better in the stomach than in the thigh? The nurse that I talked to didn't know.

Now for the follicles. I have 9 follicles over 10mm. Right side: 11, 12, 14, 17, 17. Left Side: 11, 12, 15, 20. The clinic actually wants to see me for b/w and u/s again tomorrow. This is very exciting after doing nothing but b/w for almost 2 weeks. I have no idea when my retrieval will be now, but at least I can be content with the fact that I have follicles.

Thanks soooo much for cheering me up these past few days after my mediocre b/w results. I think your positive thoughts have been working.

Love, Brenda

Hello everyone,

I guess you can say that I *was* a slow responder, but *now* my ovaries are sprinting to the finish line. My E2 level came back at 5905 (Canadian) 1609 (American) today. That means it doubled in just a day. I have 13 follicles over 10mm. Right side: 14, 14, 14, 15, 16, 16, 20. Left side: 12, 13, 13, 15, 17, 21. I am a little concerned because I don't know what this sudden growth spurt is going to do to the quality of my eggs. I will continue doing the injections in the stomach, because changing gears again can't be good for the eggies. I suppose there is always something to be paranoid about when you are on this many "horror moans." tee hee hee! Thanks for being there for me.

Love, Brenda

Hello Cycle buddies,

Well my retrieval will finally be tomorrow. My E2 went over 11,000 (Canadian) 3,000 (American) on Thursday and they had me do one more day of stims on Friday and hCG later on Friday evening. I can't believe I was on stims for 17 days!!!! I am really looking forward to having my retrieval over with. I am not actually scared of the retrieval. I worry more about the quality of eggs that they will find. Tomorrow I will finally have my answer.

Thanks for supporting me through another IVF cycle. I have again gotten behind on my emails again, so for now I wish all of you the best of luck on your upcoming betas. I celebrate with those who have already gotten a positive result and I feel sorrow for those who have had a disappointment this time around. I'm praying for all of you.

Love, Brenda

Hello dear cycle buddies,

I apologize for not being there for you the last few days and forgetting about the chat last night. I have been feeling pretty lousy since Sunday and I'm just starting to feel better today, although I am still not able to sit in front of the computer for very long. It will take me a while to get caught up on all of your emails.

My retrieval was on Sunday and it went pretty well. There were a few moments of pain, but they quickly passed. 16 eggs were retrieved and 10 went on to fertilize. On Tuesday we transferred 3 beautiful embies: two 6-cell (a grade A and a grade B) and one 4-cell (a grade B). The remaining 7 embies have been safely frozen. Since the retrieval I have been feeling bloated, uncomfortable and nauseous. I have to keep switching positions in order to stay comfortable and my ovaries keep complaining with every move. I didn't feel this lousy for my first IVF, but my E2 level was higher this time.

I will slowly sift through my emails and try to answer the most important messages. My best wishes and prayers are with you all.

Love, Brenda

Dear cycle buddies,

It is with a heavy heart that I write you this message. IVF #2 has failed. This was our fourth IVF/FET transfer and I have begun to lose hope that I will ever get pregnant. I know that I have not been there for you lately. This cycle has been especially difficult for me emotionally so that I haven't been able to bring myself to read your updates during the 2-week wait. To those of you had disappointments over the last few weeks my heart goes out to you. To those of you who have had successes, I wish you every happiness for the future. I will try to get caught up with my emails, but it will be a slow process. Thanks for understanding and being there for me.

We had a consult with our RE a few weeks after our second IVF failed. We decided to hold off on doing an FET with the 7 remaining embryos, until we had removed my hydros (blocked and fluid-filled fallopian tubes). My right hydro had become visible on the u/s again. At this point we felt we had nothing to lose by removing them. In Canada, healthcare can sometimes move slowly and we knew it would take several months before I could have my hydros removed.

We also decided that we would start looking for a new IVF clinic with better success rates. We knew that our search would probably take us to the United States where we would be paying for everything out-of-pocket. It would be worth the expense though, for the knowledge that we had done everything possible to get pregnant. Our third cycle would likely be our last and we were hoping for closure one way or another.

Since we knew we would be out of the IVF circuit for several months, we decided to go ahead and get a dog that I had been wanting for so long. We already knew the breed (Shetland Sheepdog) and the breeder we wanted to use, we just had to place the call. We feel as if Bella was meant to be ours (see Bella's Homepage). She was the only pup who survived her litter and all the people ahead of us on the waiting list magically disappeared. Bella would help me to fill my time and fulfill some emotional needs over the next few months while I built up my strength and hope to try again.