Table of Contents
My husband and I decided to start building our family right on my 30th birthday five years ago. I had been tracking my cycles for 17 months, having a ball, seeing my hormones go up and down right on track, knowing to the minute when my period was coming. I was upset that I never knew any of this information before, and I’d love to one day help educate young women about their bodies.
I visited my OB for a pre-conception visit clutching my 17pages from the online ovulation site I used, all with the perfect colored graphs. “Oh, you’ll be pregnant in no time!” was a direct quote.
Six months went by and nothing happened, and I knew we were doing everything at exactly the right time. I figured, why wait a full year to get checked out just because I am under 35 years old? If something was indeed wrong then we just wasted an entire year! All my hormones came back fine and DH’s sperm analysis was perfect. Since my OB couldn’t do anymore testing she referred me to an RE, a very scary thing. What was I doing there?
He did an ultrasound at the first consult and all was perfect. He then ordered a hysterosalpinogram, a specialized X-ray where dye is pushed through your fallopian tubes to make sure they are clear. Everything seemed to be going along fine until the tech looked down at me and asked if I had ever had a pelvic infection. “No, why?” I asked. She paused and simply said my doctor will talk to me. That’s it.
I went right to the RE’s office and camped out in the waiting room to see him. He confirmed that my right tube apparently looked blocked, but he had no explanation as to how it happened (I still don’t know.) He said I need to have a laparoscopy to take a look and possibly remove it, and he’d also check out the other side. I went into the surgery not knowing if I would wake up ever being able to conceive naturally.
I woke up and the first thing I heard was that my uterus looked perfect, the left tube was taken, but the right one was still there. But wait- the X-ray showed that the right tube was clogged so why was the left removed?? Turns out, the tech switched up the X-rays, and was incorrect in her report to the doctor. I was extremely upset (what if the wrong tube had been taken and I had been left with none?) and I reported her to all the governing bodies I could find.
My RE was delighted, everything seemed great, it was simple “tubal factor.” He recommended IUIs, as all we had to do was get some eggs on the side with the remaining tube. We decided to do 4 IUIs and then move on to IVF. I made it to 3 and decided to step it up, I couldn’t do this anymore.
My first IVF was pretty routine and I was full of newbie hope. We retrieved eight eggs, but only two fertilized, and I was devastated. If there was nothing wrong with us and we were so young, what happened? The RE himself declared that this was not what he expected- both the low number of eggs and shoddy fert report. We transferred the two on Day 3, and 12 days later I knew I was pregnant. Overjoyed doesn’t even describe the feelings. However, there was no sac at the first ultrasound and it was declared a chemical pregnancy.
I needed to get back on the bandwagon immediately. That's how I work things through, how I grieve- keep going. It was torture waiting for the beta to get back down to zero. His idea for me this time was to blast me with their highest amount of stims and do ICSI to help with the fert rate. There was no discussion if a different protocol may work better, etc. I didn't know enough back then to ask. I stimmed for a day or two longer, but got LESS eggs. However, more did indeed fertilize- four. A big whooping four. Only 2 were alive on Day 3, and no surprise, it was a negative. I distinctly remember him saying ay my last scan before the retrieval that I “had the ovaries of a 40 year old.” Devastation- again.
I decided to move on to another clinic, as I felt I didn’t belong there if I didn’t fit a certain mold. Luckily, I live in a state with wonderful clinics, so I decided to go to one of the top in the country. I was filled with hope at my first consult with the new doctor. He took a look at my previous cycles and felt I was triggered too late and as well as on too many meds. Point being- I woke up from my first ER and was told they got 18 eggs. Yep, if I could have danced after an egg retrieval, I would have. Even though we had no male factor we did ICSI, as we always did from then on because we were simply too scared NOT to, but even with ICSI our fert rate hovered around 50-60%. We transferred two on Day 3, nothing to freeze- positive beta. But....a chemical.
Once the beta went back down we went straight into IVF #4 at the same, top-tier clinic. Instead of long Lupron we switched to an Antagon protocol. I got 18 eggs again and around the same number of embryos. We transferred three this time. Big Old Negative.
