Nadia's Story Part 1: Male Factor Infertility

No one ever expects to be told she will not be able to have biological children, and it is an even more unintelligible idea at the young age of 23. After reading about celebrities having children in their 40s and knowing both sides of our families were quite fertile, my husband and I assumed that when we had worked hard enough, saved enough money and were in a good spot in our marriage, we would enjoy a nice dinner followed by some love making, and nine months later, we would welcome our first bundle of joy. Many relatives and friends had not been as responsible as us, having “accidents” or purposefully bringing children into the world when they were not emotionally or financially capable of providing for them. We really felt we had earned the privilege to parent and because it was a biological right, and we were so fit, healthy and so very young, we would have an easy road. We were highly educated individuals with a strong marriage, good jobs and a love for children. We were the type of people who were supposed to have children.

In 2008, when the summer arrived, I decided it was time to begin trying for a child now that I had completed my teaching assignment for the year. I was a bit over-zealous, making my very amorous husband cower when I approached him. For some crazy reason, it was when we began trying to conceive, I began to question our fertility. Something did not feel right. Two months later, after my husband complained of pain in his testicular region, I marched him to the doctor and ordered him to have a semen analysis in addition to a slew of other tests. Two days later, I received an e-mail with the results, and my eyes filled up with tears and I felt sheer panic when I realized the results showed he had no sperm. After another test and the same results, we were absolutely devastated. I became obsessive, depressed, and it was the first time in my life, I fully understood what it felt like to have done everything right and to have something so dear stolen from my relationship and me. I became a certified Google-o-logist, madly searching for any research and treatment options for azoospermia (the absence of sperm), and it was frustrating to find so few resources and studies on this diagnosis.

I recall thinking “I would rather lose my job, gain 60+ pounds and lose all my money and earthly possessions than lose the ability to share in the joy of a child together with the love of my life.” My maternal instinct and need to become a mother became my central focus in life, and I was consumed with fear and anger at the injustice of our situation coupled with an unhealthy dose of resentment. To add insult to injury, I was then subjected to many uncomfortable and awkward exams to rule out infertility on my end, and I “aced” the tests, but it did not matter. Without any sperm, there was zero chance of having a mutually biological child with my husband, and the idea tore me apart at the very core.

The idea of male factor infertility was fairly foreign to me. Generally speaking, the media portrays infertility as a woman’s disease, but in our situation, I learned how much of a couple’s disease it is. I likened it to bad credit (just not of our doing!). While I was deemed fertile on my end, my husband was not, so there was no way we could procreate together.

After more testing, we finally came upon an urologist who gave us very exciting news. He discovered 2 motile sperm in my husband’s semen culture, explaining to us that this meant we might be able to use my husband’s sperm and have a biological child through TESE. When I entered the car with my husband, I was elated. I called our close family members and best friend and bragged about the two measley sperm the doctor had found. Even in the thick of limbo land, we joked that our priorities and our sources of pleasure had drastically changed now that one of the most fundamental human processes in life was stripped from us.

With this information, I quickly began to research IVF clinics in our area. I could not bear to wait another minute. I wanted to start the process, so I could combat the depression with action. The quoted costs were insanely high, because not only did we have to pay for a full IVF cycle out of pocket (CA insurance does not currently cover IVF), but we had to pay for the expensive fertility drugs, ICSI, additional diagnostic testing and TESE. There were no guarantees, and once we decided upon a clinic, we were informed that even with the discovery of a tiny bit of sperm, (normal sperm counts range between 20-100 million in most samples), there was only a 50% chance we would be able to extract sperm on the day of my egg retrieval. We placed so much hope into our cycle, but we braced ourselves for the worst as I had heard of others in their early 20s who had undergone multiple IVF cycles only to find themselves in great debt, emotionally crushed, physically exhausted and childless. It terrified us to fall into this category, and I found myself praying fervently that the doctor would retrieve decent sperm and that the cycle would yield a healthy child.

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Nadia's Story Part 2: Triple Happiness